I remember as a little girl holding my ears and crying every
time I heard sirens. Their volume terrified me. I hated how loud they were and
I still do. There’s just something about their roaring that sends a pang to my
gut and stirs fear inside me. Not really sure why; it just happens. I guess
it’s the chaotic scream fueling from their depths that makes me uncomfortable;
and at 22, I’m realizing how similar life can be to sirens. You’re constantly
told who to be; what to wear, who to date, what you should look like, and so
on. Sometimes I envision myself in an abandoned cabin on top of a secluded
mountain just sitting; not doing anything but sitting and listening to silence.
These voices grow so loud it’s deafening, and just like I’d do with the sirens,
I wish I could plug my ears and drown them out. I can honestly say, because of
these voices…. I have no idea who I am.
Sure, I’m Sarah. I can sing. I love to write. Most of
all, I love my Jesus. But aside from all of that, I’m always asking myself, “Who
am I?” What’s amazing to me is how I turn to others and ask them. These voices
that I’m trying to drown out are the same voices I’m turning to for answers.
They’ve left me dependent and confused. No, I’m not blaming them – I certainly
hold responsibility. But what do you do when certain things have been drilled
into your head for so long and now you’re in a wrestling match with them? It
almost feels as though you’re betraying yourself, even though you don’t agree
with what you’re turning your back on. It’s also very lonely. Think about it;
who do you spend the most time with? YOU of course. So if you’re not even sure
of whom you are, then are you really spending time with anybody? Very philosophical,
I know. This is where we get to the pit. The bottom of that dry well if you
will.
Psalm 139 is in my opinion one of the most beautiful
Psalms ever written. It talks about God’s infinite knowledge of who you are. Here’s
a little snippet, but if you haven’t read the whole thing, I highly, highly
encourage you to do so.
Psalm 139: 1-5
“1You have searched me Lord, and you
know me. 2You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my
thoughts from afar. 3You discern my going out and my lying down; you
are familiar with all my ways. 4Before a word is on my tongue you,
Lord, know it completely. 5You hem me in behind and before, and you
lay your hand upon me...” (NIV)
First off, what’s incredible
to me is that the maker of this entire universe – the same being who placed the
stars in the sky and formed those big ol’ mountains we gawk at – knows EVERYTHING
about me and you. But since we’re talking about identity crisis here, I want to
zone in on verse 4 above – “Before a word
is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” Now this entire Psalm proclaims
how familiar The Lord is with us. I mean obviously He would be, considering He’s
the one who made us. But what strikes me is how He knows me so well to the
point where He knows exactly what I’m going to say not only before I say it,
but before I even know I’m going to say it. So even in the
depths of our ignorance, feeling as though we may never discover our true
identities, The Lord knows full well who we are.
Matthew 6:21
“For where your treasure is, there your heart
will be also.”
We yearn for acceptance, for approval; our problem is
where we’re searching. Now don’t use this as an excuse to be inconsiderate or
irresponsible – please don’t walk away thinking that that’s where I’m headed.
The point I’m trying to make is this: The Lord created your inmost being and
longs to be your treasure. Let Him be. Give Him your full attention, and trust
that His plans are to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:13
“You will seek me and you will find me when you
seek me with all of your heart.”
Your heart was created to search for the One who created
it. He is where you will find your identity.
I promise.
Be you. Be we.
Live Beautifully,
Sarah Ann
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