Rip the Ticket

I love junk food. You put 2 McDonald’s large fries in front of me and chances are I’ll eat both and still want more after I’m finished. Yeah…it’s not healthy. But it’s good. That’s all that matters right? If I’m happy then I must be OK. But then after I’ve practically eaten my weight in McDonald’s French fries, all I want to do is roll over and die. My stomach hurts and I feel like the grease pan they cooked them in. So really, whether I eat them or not…I’m never completely satisfied.

            I came to Christ when I was 14 and it wasn’t as spectacular as I had always heard about it being. Truth is - I really didn’t feel all that different. Now before I was “born again” I was a pretty good kid. Did what I was supposed to, never got in trouble at school, pretty close with my family; occasionally I’d mouth off now and then, but for the most part I was nothing short of a “good girl”. At 12 years old I began singing which brought in a good bit of popularity – thus leading me even deeper into maintaining my good girl status. I liked looking good and enjoyed the compliments (who doesn’t right?). Aside from my musical recognition, the fact that I now took on this new Christian persona meant that perfection was even more crucial. This quadrupled the pressure. Funny thing is… it shouldn’t have. I was convinced that because I now represented Jesus Christ, I had to bind myself – meaning if it was “fun” then it wasn’t OK. I love to shop – but that money I’m using is being spent on vanity and that’s a sin. I love singing – but compliments make me feel good about myself and that wouldn’t be humble. I love watching TV and surfing the web – but that’s lazy and takes away time from God. As you can see, I literally beat myself up over everything I do; I’m never right – or good enough. Sometimes I secretly say to myself, “this following Jesus thing is too hard.” I’m not perfect, and it feels as though I’ll never be. God doesn’t want someone who’s not perfect. I’m just a piece of garbage ruining His name with my stupidity. Yeah, I’m really hard on myself. But trying to achieve perfection is like trying to eat one potato chip – it’s just not going to happen (that’s hard for a snack junkie like me at least). I’m so used to “polishing” myself up that I’ve forgotten why Jesus came in the first place; and because of that Jesus is slowly but surely becoming a difficult Master to serve.

            Usually when you think “servant” you think “slave”. Slavery’s ugly. Biblical slaves and others alike were wretchedly mistreated. Whipped and humiliated for not measuring up to their master’s standards. Perfection was key, and even when they did the job right sometimes the master just found pleasure in abusing his power. Not all were mistreated, but the majority – yes. So being called a servant of The Lord obviously means assuming the position of His slave right? In the Old Testament - OK, I’m sure one could argue that – but God drastically ceased that mode come the birth of one incredible man – Jesus Christ, His own son. Let’s look at a comparative example of this: Deuteronomy 22: 20-21 says, “But suppose the man’s accusations are true, and he can show that she was not a virgin. The woman must be taken to the door of her father’s home, and there the men of the town must stone her to death, for she has committed a disgraceful crime in Israel by being promiscuous while living in her parents’ home. In this way, you will purge this evil from among you.” Promiscuity was a MAJOR marriage violation in Israel during the time of the Old Testament. Obviously it was so major that they’d stone the woman to death. Sure this seems a little vengeful coming from a God whose apparently so loving. But like I said, The Lord set out for change come the birth of His son. Here’s the comparison: “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8:4-11 (NLT). “Didn’t even one of them condemn you?...Neither do I.” Jesus said, “Neither do I.” Something considered so heinous wasn’t condemned by the Master Himself. Let that resonate… “Neither do I.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not encouraging blatant sinful behavior. What I’m saying is this… we’re not perfect. We weren’t called to be. As strong as we feel when we rise from grasp of our sin, the fact of the matter is that at some point we WILL fall again – it’s inevitable (“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. - Romans 3:23”). I’m not trying to discourage you, I’m aiming to bring you comfort in a difficult fact. Yes, we are sinners, and yes even though we want to be perfect it’s just not going to happen. So stop trying.

            What is it that Jesus offers making it so easy to be ourselves? Well there’s plenty, but for me it’s knowing that I’m His friend. “I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.” John 15:15 (NLT). Jesus confides in me, I am His friend, no longer a slave. The only person I’m serving is I – and that’s what makes transparency so hard. I’m afraid of myself – not what others think of me. I’m frightened by what I think of me. A good friend reminds you of your worth – makes you feel loved. A wonderful friend is someone who does that through nails in their hands and feet. Our friend Jesus did that. What kind of master dies for His slaves? None. But a friend dies for his friend (“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 NLT).

If God wanted a show He would’ve bought a ticket not your soul.

Be you. Be we.

Live Beautifully,

Sarah Ann